I am Thankful for my Truck

I drive a 2001 Chevrolet S-10 pickup with a five-speed manual transmission. I bought it new nine years ago this spring. It has over 130,000 miles on it. I have spent relatively little on repairs. It gets decent gas mileage. It runs good (so far). It has a few small dents, a crack in the windshield and the new smell is long forgotten, but I love my truck. It fits me like a glove and gets me where I want to go. It gives me a sense of freedom and productivity. I can haul feed or fertilizer without effort and I don’t have to worry about keeping it clean. The radio and air conditioner still work. Best of all, I haven’t had to make payments in five years. Honestly, I do thank God for my truck almost every time I drive it and only occasionally do I dream of a new Silverado –power windows and seats and real towing power (and better gas mileage by the time I buy, I hope).

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 7, 2010
JDJ

I am thankful for my home

Note: I have to change my plans for this series on thanksgiving. I was going to structure my list of items sequentially in groups as follows (1) God’s voice and grace, (2) family, (3) church, and (4) material/physical. But I have a heavy schedule in January and I will shift to things I can list more than describe. Contrary to most articles in “Jackie Speaks” I will be including some pictures where it seems appropriate.



[I am thankful: item 6]

Cheryl and I have been married for thirty-five years. We have lived in an apartment, a couple of duplexes, a couple of house trailers, a couple of rented houses, and a couple of houses we owned prior to this one. This is the first place we have lived that has truly felt like home. It was home the day we moved in thirteen years ago. Although it is in need of some updating and repair, it is larger and nicer than I ever dreamed I would own.

This place is a gift from God. Close to town, but in the country (less than seven miles from work), it is a sanctuary in our stressful lives. It is a place of peace. I most enjoy it when it is full of family, but it is always our place of comfort. We endeavor to be good stewards and use it as a tool for hospitality. I am so thankful for this house given to us by God as the place we call home.

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 6, 2010
JDJ

I am Thankful for the Gift of Tongues

[I am Thankful: Part 5]

I am thankful for the gift of glossolalia, speaking in tongues as the Spirit gives the utterance. It is for me the abiding sign of the Spirit’s charismatic presence in my life. As I read the New Testament there are three functions for speaking in tongues: a sign to unbelievers (I Corinthians 14:22), the edification of the church (I Corinthians 14:5-6), and personal communion with God (Romans 8:26, I Corinthians 14:14, Ephesians 6:18, Jude 20). It is to this last function I am referring.

When I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues was a major hurdle in fully surrendering to God. I wanted God to forcefully take control of my tongue and begin uttering a language out of my mouth. I expected it would be like losing consciousness and waking up speaking a foreign language. It is amazing how much Pentecostals back then talked about the power, beauty, and importance of speaking in tongues without ever discussing the individual’s personal initial experience.

My experience was that glossolalia was a step of faith. I felt God’s presence in a special way, but he wouldn’t take control of my tongue. As I cried, prayed, and praised, a single syllable kept repeating over and over in my mind. I was afraid to say it because it was nonsensical and I didn’t want to let Satan start me down a counterfeit pathway. It was then I heard God whisper, “Do you feel my presence? If I am so real and upon you, why can’t you trust me to speak through you? Give me the syllable.” I spoke the syllable and joy began to flow through me as I repeated it over and over. Soon it became two, and then three syllables bubbling out of my mouth. In a few moments it was like a vocabulary had developed. I was euphoric with His presence and I wanted to stay there forever.

Another challenge came the next day. I knew I needed for the initial experience to become a part of my life; the encounter had to become a relationship. It was a struggle to pray through to that same fullness of the Spirit. In the end it was the same question I had to answer, could I trust God to be at work in and through me? Could I step out by faith and trust the Spirit to give the utterance as I offered up prayers that transcended my ability to articulate my newfound knowledge of God. Simply put, the challenge was to answer the question of whether glossolalia begins with me, my initiation of learned nonsensical speech, or does it begin with the prompting of the Spirit. And the answer was “yes.” Speaking in tongues as the Spirit gives the utterance is a partnership between a human and his/her creator. It flows from the human spirit and the Divine Spirit in union.

I soon learned that if my heart is right with God and my desire is to please Him, whenever I struggle to express myself to Him in English it is good to just begin to speak in the language He has nurtured in me. This is an act of reverent faith. In this I trust God to commune with me and pray for me. When this happens it is as if a floodgate opens and my innermost being is poured out before God. I feel wrapped in His loving presence and somehow I know He is carrying me through the situations of my life.

I prefer not to call my experiences with tongues a “prayer language.” I recognize my utterances have taken on characteristics of a language, i.e., patterns of repetition, and they are a form of prayer. In a very real sense this language resides in me. However, to me that term implies I have learned it and can start and stop at will without regard to the Spirit’s presence in my life. I never want to speak in tongues without a consciousness of God’s presence in my life. While I am fully aware of what I am doing, it is an act of trust in God that He is with me and He will not let me act in a way that defiles the Spirit. In this act I acknowledge the limits of my ability to know and communicate with God (reasoned speech) and I proclaim His grace to transcend that gulf, to know me and empower me to know Him beyond the limits of my self.

In truth, it is not the act of speaking in tongues that I cherish; repetitive gibberish is of no value to my soul. I cherish the communion of the Holy Spirit which sometimes expresses itself in tongues. If the Spirit is not joined with my utterances in a symphony of praise and petition it is an act of delusion bordering on blasphemy.

Yes, I am thankful for the gift of tongues. It is for me a theophony of communion with God that transcends reason (without negating it) and embraces my whole being. It expresses my faith in the power of the resurrection and the veracity of the Scriptures. Through this gift I return to the womb of God where I am nurtured and healed. I have a personal audience with the Creator of the Universe, my heavenly Father. In this act of worship, my past and future are woven into a single garment of praise.

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 5, 2010
JDJ

I am Thankful for the Baptism in the Holy Spirit

[I am Thankful: Part 4]

I was baptized in the Holy Spirit in February of 1971, a few months before I graduated from High School. It was the single most transformative experience of my life, to date. I cannot recall when I was saved. I cannot remember not loving God and desiring to please Him. [I am fully aware of my sinfulness; I just cannot recall not repenting on the day I became aware of my sins. I cannot recall not being saved. I can recall struggling for sanctification.]

The Baptism in the Holy Spirit brought me into a fellowship with God I could not have dreamed possible. Although I spoke in tongues for several hours, I did not hear the voice of God except as He prodded me to fully surrender just before the infilling. The Spirit prayed with me and through me. I was conscious of seeking God’s grace and favor in all areas of my life, but I did not hear Him speaking words to me. Instead, I felt fully at one with Him. I knew that evening He knew me and I was coming to know Him in a way that transcends reason or words. It was an expression and encounter of love.

That encounter with the Holy Spirit is the benchmark by which I measure my life. It is the fountain to which I must return often. It is an anchor in the storms of life. Out of that experience I know I must and can bring God’s presence to others. In the fullness of the Spirit, I am a witness; Evangelism is not just an activity it is a state of purposeful presence. Out of that experience I know the promises of God are certain and secure, even when I feel cut off from God. I live my life out of that encounter with God, finding the Spirit’s presence renewed day-by-day. Yet, I have never had the sensations of that encounter replicated in entirety. I have had new and different encounters with God, but each of them flows out of that initial baptism. I find myself hungering to be refilled as if for the first time, but that is a logical impossibility. Instead, I hunger for the day when the fullness of the Spirit shall be engulf all of creation, the day toward which my encounter with the Spirit points. On that day we shall know as we are known and all by its very nature will be to the glory of God.

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 4, 2010
JDJ

I am thankful for God’s steadfastness.

[I am thankful: Part III]

The second time I heard the voice of God was as I knelt by my bed for evening prayer a few weeks after the first experience. I have never been rebellious against God. “I don’t smoke, drink, or chew, nor go with the girls that do.” Yet after God spoke to me about His grace in my life I lived with a growing awareness I was not walking as close with Him as I should. I was convicted and I felt His absence in my life. I found myself frequently praying for assurance of God’s favor. As I knelt in my basement bedroom, I earnestly wanted to feel God’s presence and I cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why can’t I feel you in my life?” I was not expecting the words I heard echo in my head, “I have not moved.”

It was childish and misguided for me to blame God for my spiritual condition. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He stands at the door and knocks; He will come in and sup with anyone who invites Him. His invitation welcomes who-so-ever-will to enter into His fellowship. I was not forsaken. I had failed to walk close with Him. He is the ground of His own Being, the foundation of the universe; He is God, unmovable, unshakable. He is faithful; He is steadfast. We walk with Him the same way we first came to rest in Him, by faith.

In truth, I have prayed the Gethsemane prayer from time to time. There have been trials and tribulations when I felt abandoned by God. Even when I was walking in faith, I have at times felt abandoned. Yet every time I have instinctively prayed that prayer, I have been reminded of God’s voice so long ago; He has not moved. I can depend on Him. I will find His presence. Thanks be to God, who changes not.

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 3, 2010
JDJ

I am thankful for the grace of God.

The first time I heard the voice of God was shortly after my seventeenth birthday in the fall of 1970. I was in my regular spot at the Huffman Church of God in Birmingham, Alabama, end of the pew, half-way up on the left hand side of the sanctuary. The preacher went through a litany of sinners bound for hell: adulterers, fornicators, drunkards, gamblers, and idolaters, etc. I prayed a simple, inner prayer of sincere thanksgiving, “Lord, I thank you I am not one of those people going to that place.” A voice rose up from my chest burning into my brain, “But for my grace that is exactly who you would be and where you would be going.”

I knew I had just heard the voice of God. It was from within and yet from beyond. It was exact, specific, and verbal without being audible. It was in the first-person, singular. He spoke to me, about me and what He had to say surprised and disturbed me. No one was aware of my encounter with the divine. I gave no outward response and it was in fact years before I spoke of the event.

I was not aware I was depending on my goodness to please God. Intellectually, I "knew" all salvation is by grace. But in that moment I knew there was an element of pride in me and that I was relying on my own goodness to make me acceptable to God. What I had understood now became woven into my being, salvation is entirely a gift, a gift that makes us pleasing to God. Therein lies the challenge of Christian living; I must live my life in response to the grace of God which gives and sustains my life.

Years later I had this first lesson renewed through a vision. This vision only lasted a few seconds. I was going through a great trial. Unable to sleep I went downstairs and sat at the dining room table. As I moaned a complaint of “why me?” and whispered a plea for God’s help, I saw myself streaming down a dark hill accelerating past road signs such as “Loving,” “Good,” “Kind,” “Gentle,” “Faithful,” etc. As I suddenly stopped and settled into an abyss of total darkness having left behind the signs of who I had thought I was I became acutely aware that without God I am nothing; I do not exist except that God chooses for me to be. Suddenly, I began to ascend through the darkness accelerating past other signs: “hatred,” “envy,” “bitterness,” covetous,” etc. In that traverse of a split second I heard a whisper, “By my grace neither are you these.”

I am thankful for God’s grace. By grace He formed me in my mother’s womb. By grace He gave me life, caused me to be. He sustains my existence. He has held back the power of sin to destroy me. He prepared me to accept the gift of salvation and He keeps me in the knowledge of His name and presence. By His grace I have heard His voice and responded to His call.

Cleveland, Tennessee
January 2, 2010
JDJ

I Am Thankful

Last November leading up to Thanksgiving my sister, Shirley, wrote everyday on FB something for which she was thankful. I was challenged in my spirit to be more thankful and the thought came that it would be a challenge in 2010 to list everyday at least one thing for which I am thankful. I think this will be one of the greatest challenges of my life. I have plenty for which to be thankful, but there are days... So here goes.

I am thankful for the voice of God. When I was small I wanted to hear God speak or to see some supernatural manifestation of His presence. An evangelist would say something like “Raise your hands and wave them around; you just might bump into an angel.” I would stand in my seat and wave vigorously hoping for a brush with heaven. It never happened. In the Pentecostal environment there were ubiquitous references to God speaking to individuals. He revealed sin, promised healing, gave direction, and answered prayers. I wanted to hear His voice, to know He was real and He was aware of me.

I had to wait until I was seventeen for that experience. Since then I have heard Him speak to me on many occasions. He speaks with specific words. Once it seemed audible as though spoken into my right ear. Most often it is a simple clause or complete sentence formed in my innermost being. In my experience, God does not speak directly to me in response to questions or petitions, with the exception that on one occasion He did explicitly respond to an inquiry (prayed silently) through tongues and interpretation given by others. He speaks when I am not expecting Him to speak. Often it is during a time of prayer, but not always. His words change my direction or my theology. They are often corrective, but He has also spoken warnings and promises.

When He speaks I just know it is the voice of God. The thought is not what I was hoping for or expecting. It is not always pleasing, but it is always comforting. My Father in Heaven has His eye on me and He has a Word for me. I am thankful for the comforting, convicting, corrective, instructive, sovereign voice of God.

More on the voice of God tomorrow.

January 1, 2010
Haymarket, Virginia
JDJ